Today I celebrate my 29th birthday on this earth. I am going through some really interesting time right now. You guys would probaby not believe what I have chosen to do but it is all about seeking truth in my life. I will try my best to explain it and how that relates to my quest for the truth.
Last night I attended a leather party at my favorite gay bar. They had "Leather University" and they were teaching S&M 101. After that class, they invited audience for some flogging sessions. I watched my friend get flogged and I decided that perhaps I should try something so I talked to my friend. He got his friend to come over and we talked for a while. The end result was I got flogged and I felt so good afterwards. I was feeling so relaxed and "high" from the hormones that my body released to handle the flogging. It wasn't painful as I imagined it to be. It was like getting heat-massage through physical impact. It was a wonderful experience. Something well worth repeating.
The second thing I have decided to do is go on a "No-Flirt" fast where I am not allowed to flirt with anyone for 30 days. This week is the first week and I have already learned so much about myself and others. I have to wonder why do people have to be all over me when I am consciously trying not to flirt. One of the major thing I am learning about myself is that I flirt with people for pretty much one thing...I wanted them to pay attention to me, not because I like them. I do the opposite with people that I really like. I don't flirt with them, instead I stay far away from them. I guess I am afraid of rejection that I am willing to flirt with someone who would give me what I want and need, which is human touch and attention.
Since I went on this fast, I got more attention and human touches and that feels good. People can flirt with me, I just won't respond to it actively. I am very happy with the decision about this fast. There are times I wish I wasn't on the fast, like last night, but then I would be a bit guilty this morning, and I hate the guilt the morning after. This morning, I am guilt-free. YAY!
Last night I attended a leather party at my favorite gay bar. They had "Leather University" and they were teaching S&M 101. After that class, they invited audience for some flogging sessions. I watched my friend get flogged and I decided that perhaps I should try something so I talked to my friend. He got his friend to come over and we talked for a while. The end result was I got flogged and I felt so good afterwards. I was feeling so relaxed and "high" from the hormones that my body released to handle the flogging. It wasn't painful as I imagined it to be. It was like getting heat-massage through physical impact. It was a wonderful experience. Something well worth repeating.
The second thing I have decided to do is go on a "No-Flirt" fast where I am not allowed to flirt with anyone for 30 days. This week is the first week and I have already learned so much about myself and others. I have to wonder why do people have to be all over me when I am consciously trying not to flirt. One of the major thing I am learning about myself is that I flirt with people for pretty much one thing...I wanted them to pay attention to me, not because I like them. I do the opposite with people that I really like. I don't flirt with them, instead I stay far away from them. I guess I am afraid of rejection that I am willing to flirt with someone who would give me what I want and need, which is human touch and attention.
Since I went on this fast, I got more attention and human touches and that feels good. People can flirt with me, I just won't respond to it actively. I am very happy with the decision about this fast. There are times I wish I wasn't on the fast, like last night, but then I would be a bit guilty this morning, and I hate the guilt the morning after. This morning, I am guilt-free. YAY!
posted by Tomas at
10:00 AM
