I concluded yesterday's post with a comment that I need to think about what I wrote. I have been thinking about it and I wrote down some stuff that I have been thinking about. I am hoping to share my thoughts through this blog and maybe get some comments from others.
Most of us live our lives surrounded with conditional love that has made us internalize a message that we aren't good enough at that moment as who we are. Instead we are told that we need to do something, or change something or be something else that. Now I wonder why I have hard time accepting myself as who I am. For a long time I couldn't look in the mirror and acknowledge me as a person that is worthy to be me because I had so much conditions on myself. "If I can only be 200 lbs thinner...", "only if I wasn't so fat.." and all that.
However that is changing because I am feeling better about myself by going to the gym and working out. I have lost 35 lbs in 6 months and now I look in the mirror as often as I can to appreciate my work. My shoulders, biceps, and pecs are developing and I am happy with that. Sometime I catch myself saying "Wow, I am cute" and when I look at my calves, I say "Mmm, so sexy!"
Is that a step towards self-acceptance? I would think so because I am appreciating myself for what I have accomplished in the past 6 months and I am taking care of myself more than I have in the past. I may not yet have changed my mindset from "I wish I could..." to "I am..." yet but I am getting there. Now the next thing I will know is that I will have someone who accepts me for me. It is a nice thing however I realized that I can't depend on others' acceptance to make me feel good. I need to feel good about myself through my own acceptance of myself. Others bear no responsibility in making me happy or making my life complete. I am ultimately the sole person who is responsible for all that.
Self-acceptance is a process. It took a while to get to the point where I internalized the message that I am not worthy of anything and that I shouldn't accept myself as who I am. So I have to reverse all that by eliminating the old habits and old thoughts and make new thoughts that tells me that I am a great person and worthy of whatever I want to do.
This time around, I think I am going to be bold and just tell people when they criticize me for my weight, my look or whatever by saying "Look, I like who I am, and I am a good person. If you don't like it, then HIT the damn road, Jack and don't come back no more!"
Most of us live our lives surrounded with conditional love that has made us internalize a message that we aren't good enough at that moment as who we are. Instead we are told that we need to do something, or change something or be something else that. Now I wonder why I have hard time accepting myself as who I am. For a long time I couldn't look in the mirror and acknowledge me as a person that is worthy to be me because I had so much conditions on myself. "If I can only be 200 lbs thinner...", "only if I wasn't so fat.." and all that.
However that is changing because I am feeling better about myself by going to the gym and working out. I have lost 35 lbs in 6 months and now I look in the mirror as often as I can to appreciate my work. My shoulders, biceps, and pecs are developing and I am happy with that. Sometime I catch myself saying "Wow, I am cute" and when I look at my calves, I say "Mmm, so sexy!"
Is that a step towards self-acceptance? I would think so because I am appreciating myself for what I have accomplished in the past 6 months and I am taking care of myself more than I have in the past. I may not yet have changed my mindset from "I wish I could..." to "I am..." yet but I am getting there. Now the next thing I will know is that I will have someone who accepts me for me. It is a nice thing however I realized that I can't depend on others' acceptance to make me feel good. I need to feel good about myself through my own acceptance of myself. Others bear no responsibility in making me happy or making my life complete. I am ultimately the sole person who is responsible for all that.
Self-acceptance is a process. It took a while to get to the point where I internalized the message that I am not worthy of anything and that I shouldn't accept myself as who I am. So I have to reverse all that by eliminating the old habits and old thoughts and make new thoughts that tells me that I am a great person and worthy of whatever I want to do.
This time around, I think I am going to be bold and just tell people when they criticize me for my weight, my look or whatever by saying "Look, I like who I am, and I am a good person. If you don't like it, then HIT the damn road, Jack and don't come back no more!"
posted by Tomas at
9:37 AM
