I have been thinking a lot today about my recent dating experience. Doing something like thinking about relationships or something that may put me in a position of making an assumption about what the other person may think is a bit dangerous. However the thinking got me to the point of remembering this person saying that he had to break up with me because I was "too good to be true." What kind of excuse is that? That blew me away. Of course I never really processed that until the last few days and today "Too good to be true" kept running across my mind over and over like that red flashing LCD thing. I bet subconsciously the message sunk in and really screwed me up big time. I probably have been depressed and struggling with this break up for a while, especially when I keep thinking "What's wrong with me, am I too ugly? Am I too fat? Am I not smart enough?" and so on.

I am driving myself crazy feeling like a loser because I am too good to be true. Because this wrecked a havoc on my self-esteem, it made me question my self-image and I became my own worst enemy...The Judge. Oh, the judge nitpicked everything about my body, my weight, and everything about me. But at the same time, I kept reminding myself that I am a good person, that I am a person of worth, I was and am created for a special purpose. I am a special person. Perhaps this affirmation saved my self-image.

Not only did I save my self-image, I transformed it from the Beast to Junior Gorg. When I think about myself as Junior Gorg. My shoulders are pushed back, I sit taller and I smile. I become light inside as I become full of air and my chest swells up with pride. I just got goosebumps as I wrote this paragraph. I feel GOOD about this positive look at myself. It is amazing for me to feel this way and I am not depending on others to make me feel good about myself. They don't have to live with my body, they don't have to live with anything that is part of me, but I do have to because all those parts of me makes ME who I am.

Once I realize that I need to appreciate all parts of me, that makes me see the big picture that I need to accept myself for who I am so I can appreciate me and build up my self-esteem through that. Self-esteem, on the bottom line, is the total sum of self-image, self-acceptance, self-awareness, and everything that starts with self, practically. I can only hope that the domino effect of this will help me reach to a point of living my life with respect and love for myself and that every step I take, it is filled with confidence that I can do anything I want and be successful at that.