Reading the previous day's comments had given me an idea of what I need and want to write about in this post. A couple of people want to hear about something different, one wants it to be about sex or at least read about my ever-exciting sex life. I thought about that and have decided that perhaps there a way I can satisfy my readers' thirst for knowing about my sex life and for my quest in searching for the answers to What is Truth?

The truth about me is that I am a very sexual being, but it is not the context of sex that I enjoy the most. It is the development of the relationship and appreciation of romance with the person I am with. Sex is just an action that is dedicated by hormones and desires, while the romance and the development of relationship is so much more than being controlled by my "package" . It is important to me because I want the romance and the relationship. My heart desires that. Is it part of the Truth that sometime in my life I would have that kind of loving romantic relationship with another person that I can love completely and limitless? Who knows. If it is meant to be, it will happen.

For so long, I craved for something different, I craved that I would look like a sexy Adonis with 6 pack abs, big bulging biceps and strong pectoral muscle. I would be so disappointed when I look at the mirror and see the truth of what I look like and how that didn't match what I saw myself in my mind. Thus the vicious cycle of comforting myself with food because I wasn't happy with myself, therefore continuing the weight gain and not going anywhere near being an Adonis. I often wondered where did that idea that I need to be an Adonis? Many would say that the media is instilling that desire in us because Sex sells...Unfortunately I don't think the Media is to be blamed wholly. My parents have repeatly told me that if I lost weight, I would be much more attractive and would have people flocking at me. I internalized those statements and made it my truth. I have lived with it and for a while I have realized that lot of my truth are not in harmony with The Truth.

How do I change that? I need to learn to be patient with myself and rewrite those internalized statements so that eventually the new statements will encourage me to be more confident about myself and appreciate what I see when I look in the mirror. I am thankful for Bruce Davis for writing Monastery Without Walls. Today I was reading about vow of chastity, and I learned that chastity does not mean celibacy, which is good for me. However, there is an excerpt which I want to share with you all.

Many people are critical of the vow of chastity because of the implied celibacy. But the real issue is finding a way that yields the white snow of the stillness inside of us...Each being must find the true relationship with his or her sexuality, which is the physical life force coming from the silence into physical being.

So in this process, I hope to develop a true relationship with my sexuality so that once again my truth will be harmonious with The Truth.