Today I celebrate my 29th birthday on this earth. I am going through some really interesting time right now. You guys would probaby not believe what I have chosen to do but it is all about seeking truth in my life. I will try my best to explain it and how that relates to my quest for the truth.

Last night I attended a leather party at my favorite gay bar. They had "Leather University" and they were teaching S&M 101. After that class, they invited audience for some flogging sessions. I watched my friend get flogged and I decided that perhaps I should try something so I talked to my friend. He got his friend to come over and we talked for a while. The end result was I got flogged and I felt so good afterwards. I was feeling so relaxed and "high" from the hormones that my body released to handle the flogging. It wasn't painful as I imagined it to be. It was like getting heat-massage through physical impact. It was a wonderful experience. Something well worth repeating.

The second thing I have decided to do is go on a "No-Flirt" fast where I am not allowed to flirt with anyone for 30 days. This week is the first week and I have already learned so much about myself and others. I have to wonder why do people have to be all over me when I am consciously trying not to flirt. One of the major thing I am learning about myself is that I flirt with people for pretty much one thing...I wanted them to pay attention to me, not because I like them. I do the opposite with people that I really like. I don't flirt with them, instead I stay far away from them. I guess I am afraid of rejection that I am willing to flirt with someone who would give me what I want and need, which is human touch and attention.

Since I went on this fast, I got more attention and human touches and that feels good. People can flirt with me, I just won't respond to it actively. I am very happy with the decision about this fast. There are times I wish I wasn't on the fast, like last night, but then I would be a bit guilty this morning, and I hate the guilt the morning after. This morning, I am guilt-free. YAY!

Good Morning everyone, I know it has been a while since I have written. I have been pondering on a few things and trying to read books that I have. I am making more changes in my life. I can only hope that it does work out for me. Because I really want a healthier life and lose weight.

I have been struggling with my weight for many years. I have such bad habit of not eating right kind of food and when I am very emotional I will eat and eat and eat until I hate myself then I eat more because I hate myself. I have been learning that it is okay to make mistakes and it is okay to forgive myself for those mistakes. The best part of this journey in finding the truth is learning about myself and come to love myself for who I am.